“We brought her ashes here.”
Someone could have said this
That someone could not have been me
Because I wasn’t there
Not in mind, not in spirit, not in body
I was absent on every level
In fact, I think I went to school
Did I really go to school?
For want of something better to do
That must have been weird for the teachers
Their dead colleague’s son returns to school
Instead of attending their dead colleague’s funeral
I wonder if it hurt? (Me? Them?)
I didn’t wonder at the time
I just didn’t want to go
Didn’t want to know
I saw the dead when death was done
No need to attend a funeral rerun
Clear and simple
That was the way I saw it
“We brought her ashes here because …..”
I can tell you I have no idea why
I wasn’t there I tell you
I wasn’t involved
Not in the slightest
Not for the sightfest
I guess it was because standards were everything
I guess it was convenience if anything
“We took her ashes elsewhere”
I mean
It would have made more sense don’t you think?
Well, with hindsight anyway
I wonder now where that elsewhere might have been?
I imagine there was a place somewhere distant to the mass ash repository
Somewhere that had more meaning?
To her
To Dad
To us
To me?
I wonder where that place might have been?
It bothers me that I have no idea about this
Instead of being encapsulated
Did she think about where her ashes might be cast?
She had time
So much time for dying
Was there time for thinking about this as well?
Thinking about the special places
The places that meant something
The places where her ashen cloud
Could manifest as transient shroud
One last act of giving
One finale to living
“Here lie her ashes”
I still don’t know where
I still don’t want to know
I haven’t been there
Don’t want to be shown
Wherever there is
And I won’t go
Because there is a neutral and meaningless place
At least, I don’t know what it means
Elsewhere might have been easier
Somewhere I could understand
Where she could still lend a hand
A place for her to show
Somewhere I might want to go
seanmathews.blog 
Dear Sean, That is so sad and moving. Beautifully written. I believe Jill’s ashes are at Springvale. I think Race showed me the spot years ago, maybe when we went out there for Grandad’s funeral. Race says Vanessa was going to organise a plaque. It makes me think about where our ashes should be. We have donated our organs, as well as our bodies to the Anatomy Dept at Melb Univ. If they take the body (and they don’t if the organs are taken first), it is about 3 years before you get the ashes. Anyway, a subject for discussion later (including telling your children what you want with your own ashes). Love, Iola
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I guess they are at Springvale. It seems like a lost opportunity now, but I also guess alternatives weren’t even options. I think it is a good idea to make a personal choice.
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