The blue sadness of enduring grief

I was asked to read the letters
With my father and my sisters
Written by my long dead mother
Lost words faint as whispers

He will struggle to see and read
So sharing seems a good idea
I will struggle to read and see
There's hurt combined with fear

Her pony tail her loving arms
My sisters in her face - and me
What will I learn of her aspirations
All the things she wanted to be

Sad blue of the paper blue of the pen
Blue in each letter written back then
There's blue in thinking about her again
When will I recover I don't know when

51 years later grief can rise be real
Camouflaged it waits in ambush
The loss the pain once more I feel
I have no trust in life

Maybe one day I'll let this blue sadness go
Release it to an infinitely clear blue sky
I'll stand tall throw back my arms and head
And no longer suffer what if or why

A response to a d’verse challenge from Sarah that coincides with an often unexpected recurring sadness / blueness https://dversepoets.com/2021/05/11/blue-tuesday/

17 thoughts on “The blue sadness of enduring grief

  1. What a heartfelt poem – ‘lost words faint as whispers’ is a lovely line. How true it is that grief from the loss of someone dear, even from many years ago, can still hit hard. I hope better times are ahead.

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  2. This was so moving and beautifully rhymed. I lost my mother 30 years ago and I still can’t bring myself to read her letters. I am sorry for your loss and I hope the pain eventually subsides.

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    • Thank you Ingrid. Maybe one day we will both be ready to read our mother’s letters. When that time comes I imagine we will both have a lot more writing to do ourselves afterward. I find writing always helps when I have something to work out or through. I hope you find it helpful too.

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  3. Thank you for sharing this poem at the Poets Pub, Sean. I also see blue as the colour of grief and sadness and pictured the scene you wrote about so delicately. I love the phrases ‘lost words faint as whispers’, ‘sad blue of the paper blue of the pen’ and ‘blue in thinking about her again’, heart-breaking and so full of love.

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  4. I love this, and having gone through a lot of my mother’s papers after her death just recently I realized there was a lot I didn’t want to know… so I thought it better to leave them unread. Sometimes letters addressed to someone else seemed too private for me. Maybe some day I will regret it, but I think it was good.

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    • I am sorry that your mother died recently Bjorn. I expect the death of a parent is always a difficult time, regardless of the nature of the relationship. So much said, to say and that will forever remain unsaid. I hope you do not come to regret your decision. Maybe like myself, now is not the right time. However, I hope I will be ready – sooner or later.

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