Tag Archives: fear

Translucence

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She was translucent in that you could see her much as you could see anyone else in the reflected light of the sun. But even more so because that very light, the light of the sun, seemed to penetrate her flawless fair skin as if the silky smooth surface was entirely opaque. It gave her a subtle inner incandescence, slightly phosphorescent with those self emitting hints of blues and greens that warmly peaked in her eyes and the waves of cascading hair.  Her teeth showed it gently sparkling through in a radiant white smile, as did her fingernails and earlobes adorning hands and face with beckoning ripples of a delicate halo. Also, it appeared to come out the other side of her as a a soft white aura. One that flowed behind her like a short comet tail. Present, but never quite seen. Gently wavering before your eyes fully caught on. A ripple across space. In such a way you knew of its definitive presence despite its elusiveness. 

Everyone wanted to know her. Absolutely, and me more than most.  She gave me a feeling of desperate hunger - for what I could never be quite sure. It felt like I could be satisfied with just ..... a look from those penetrating eyes, a touch with those sensuous long fingers, any form of acknowledgement. However, I also recognised unreality when I saw it. In reality I wanted everything she would never give and that scared the shit out of me. 

For a long time I had longed for her from afar. Drained of other interests, preoccupied with dreams of passionate love and warm companionship. Yet whenever I got close I found I had only a faded shadow of myself to offer. Dulled.  Stultified by her imposing mien. 

Standing in a dark space she exuded a glowing presence.  Her very own unique light. Standing in a light space she somehow overcame the ambient lux with her very own lustre. She could not be unseen.

So, I watched from a distance instead. The best thing I could ever have done as I saw one friend, champion, lover, partner, suitor and sycophant after another get irreparably burned. Scorched to the point of disfigurement by a desirable body and a vital heart, a quick brain and a ruthless mind, an unsolvable enigma beyond anybody’s ken. Eventually, I understood that for all the attraction of that internally lit, beautiful, vibrant, illuminated woman, her translucence meant no matter how close you got, no matter how hard you tried, no matter what you applied - I and no one else could or would ever see into her, just right through to the other side. 

This was an infatuation I would survive, but even today, years later, the mystery, the hope, the longing, the anticipation and speculation have never fully subsided.

something in the water

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immersed in water
luxuriously suspended in space
cut off from the entire breathing human race

reflecting on water
so much to consider
when water as commodity goes to the highest bidder 

tumbling in water 
battered by an abused life giving sea 
will i survive this wave crunching of me?

drinking any water
found on a scorching day
too many of these are making the earth pay

freezing in water 
a break in the ice
i pull myself up, but just fall in twice

drawing down water 
bought for the farm
having to buy water represents harm

a well full of water
a sense of security
an empty well brings fear to my family

river bed water
evaporates into the air
when will i see it again? i can’t up there

everywhere water
after drought comes flooding rain
our homes went under last year, then again and again

methane in the water
turn the tap and it burns
fracking structural layers causes geological churn

water suspension
plastic on every scale
next on the weather agenda - plastic hail

toxic water
neutralises fishing skills
no good fisherman can live on massive fish kills

ocean water
systems anchor for the world
danger warning flags ignored although they’ve been unfurled

wars over water
beginning and the end
is your water consuming neighbour enemy or friend?

drowning in water issues
battling exhaustion 
this marks the end of my allocated portion

My first attempt at responding to David’s W3 where PoW Sylvia Cognac’s prompt is “water”

August

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the long grass dead brown
the short grass stunted green
faded blue skies
with no summer bright sheen

grey come the clouds 
hanging low overhead
heavy with moisture
that will drop like lead

the air has a bite
bitter snaps each night
and each day frosted crisp
icy as any day has been

the cold sodden earth
awaits its rebirth
fresh food supplies
border on lean

as breath mists the air
those rugged up don't care
but the strugglers
blanch at the scene

winter cold eats budgets
of those who can’t afford it
where constant warmth
is but a seasonal dream

homeless under bridges 
in doorways and niches
families living in cars 
huddle away unseen

as others drive over bridges
secure in their riches
to homes warm inner glow
where no want has been

The dVerse prompt today came from Sanaa. She asked we poets to recognise August. We in the southern hemisphere may see it in a different seasonal light to that which Sanaa had in mind. However, one sad thing we do have in common around the world is the widening gap between the haves and have nots.

The Gambler

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 Precedence 
 is chance
 The roll is a fast
 chaotic dance
  
 The die is cast
 numbers spin
 Will luck outlast
 the spin I’m in?
  
 The dotted faces
 turn and prop
 bounce and hop
 My future turns
 on fortune’s stop
  
 Excitement
 Anticipation
 Fulfilment
 or suffocation
  
 Desperation
 Indecision
 High risk taking
 recidivism
  
 Bound for glory
 is my folly
 Wracked and ruined
 that’s my story
  
 Highs feed lows
 on pure vainglory

Today’s dVerse prompt from Ingrid was for a subject of each poet’s choosing. This one came from a draft I had on gambling, a subject I have been trying to get my head around.

Juliet and Romeo

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Juliet
is all slick and wet
her long hair in her eyes
she has been hit
by an idiot
drunk driving by 
bye bye

Romeo
roams idly by 
sees the girl on the ground
He looks at her 
quizzically 
then realises what he has found

Juliet
breathes in gasps
as blood pools under her back
She looks up sees Romeo
last look last love
as limbs go slack

Romeo’s
not much you know
but this time 
things are different
He wipes the hair from glazed eyes
and wonders where 
her life went

Juliet
rises above the scene
She watches Romeo
He cradles her head
gently in his lap
He whimpers out a moan

Romeo
struck by love’s full fist
his only love has gone
He whines he weeps
at his loss
Death into his soul creeps

Juliet 
bears final witness to 
Romeo’s last testament
“Did my heart truly love till now?”
he whispers
For the first time 
he knows what love meant
“Good night Good night”
“Thus with a kiss I too die”
He declares to her 
death pale face

Romeo 
bends his head down
tenderly brushes her cold lips 
with his own
he lets her head down 
lightly beside him
as he lies quietly beside her
takes her right hand
with his left

Romeo
from his pocket
retrieves a knife
meant for other men 
he eases the blade
between his ribs
it finds his broken heart
As blood pools under his back
his life is also gone

Juliet 
utters one last cry of grief
before she disappears
or was that one last cry of relief
in hope he reappears
for never was there a story of more woe 
than this of Juliet and her Romeo

Ingrid’s prompt for this week’s dVerse poetics was “Homage to the Bard.” I chose to write a poem approximately on the theme of Romeo and Juliet. https://dversepoets.com/2022/04/26/poetics-homage-to-the-bard/

Hades begets Persephone

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 She awoke with a raw sense of dread
 A cold sweat soaked the sheets of her bed
 The sounds that night were not nighttime’s she knew
 A hint of smoke contradicted the dew 
 
 Shadows danced on the bedroom wall
 Where dancing shadows should not be at all
 The normal still off white of the paint
 Was lively with movement and firelight feint 
 
 She fumbled with billowing robe and nightclothes
 Tying her robe up tight as she rose
 Into a world of self doubt and fright
 She stumbled out into the cold of the night 
 
 She touched the back of the door to sense any heat
 Realised she’d no shoes put on her feet
 Sidestepped and slipped into a pair of sandals
 As her hand reached out for the frightful handle 
 
 When she dared to look through the gap in the door
 Using light flickering lively onto the floor
 From her half awake hazy sleep deprived daze
 She wondered if the place was already ablaze 
 
 Further she pushed open the portal
 Considered precious life and  all that was mortal
 Within her tiny flat B number 144
 She wondered if she could take the fear anymore 
 
 And she listened alert for other clues
 Thought about the price of paying her dues
 She heard the crackle and pop of combusting wood
 Her only thought now to get out if she could  
 
 She peered out into a reddish early morning gloom
 To an apparently deserted yet eerie lounge room
 But there at the side a large shape sat in a chair
 Exuding an oppressive weight of despair 
 
 The wood fire aglow had strangely been lit
 It certainly was not her who lit it
 A monstrous head turned to look into her face
 An inhuman form by nature disgraced  
 
 He had discreetly followed her around town for weeks
 In peripheral vision never seen when he seeks
 Creating acute nervousness from endless teases 
 A cat playing with a mouse its tormenting pleases 
 
 She knew instantly her time had come
 It was not to be as life had begun
 No comfort from her mother’s caress
 No strength to be found on father’s chest 
 
 Hades stood to meet her towering ominously above
 Leering and smug antithesis of love
 She resigned herself to the monster’s arms
 Wishing after horror would come blessed dead calm

In this d’verse challenge https://dversepoets.com/2021/08/03/poetics-persephone/ Sarah asked us to take inspiration from the myth of the abduction of Persephone by Hades. I saw ancient (and not so ancient) patriarchal rituals and modern parallels as I read Sarah’s summation of the story.

The Last Butterfly

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A Common Brown photographed at Jubilee Swamp
 
 When the last butterfly flutters by
 your seat on the grass
 When the sun moves overhead
 in one more timeless pass
 When the creek’s empty water
 flows by and on
 When the creatures of the bush
 all around you have gone
  
 Will you sit and reflect
 on what could have been
 When you knew it was coming
 it had been foreseen
 Will you ask why you didn’t 
 when there was time and you could
 While you sat on the grass
 thinking I must then I should

The day the fire actually came

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 I ponder on the wise of it
 As trees around me bow
 Before the gusting hot north wind
 Before which they bend so cowed
  
 I give the thought deep consideration
 As the darkening sky forebodes
 I check, the heat is forty four
 As wind and weather goads
  
 There’s much to lose either way
 Deciding to stay or go
 Give up the home to fiery tempest
 Risk the life you know
  
 There’s a plan to pack the things I need
 Water blanket items precious
 There’s alternative routes to avoid the flames
 Where the flames may be ferocious
  
 But then there’s plans to stay and fight
 Buckets mop hose and mask 
 Hit each ember where it lands
 But am I really up to the task?
  
 This day’s been declared catastrophic red
 I waited to see how it would turn
 Now I’m stuck as the catastrophe looms
 All around wilts then starts to burn
  
 The air is burning in my throat
 Radiant heat scorches all around me
 The sky rains burning leaves and hot grey ash
 The smoke so thick I can’t breathe or see
  
 I dare not move can’t find the house
 I touch hot metal seek shelter in the car 
 Pull the woollen blanket over my head 
 And lie below the glass to cower
  
 Explosions start as eucalyptus oil 
 In nearby trees ignites
 The car is rocked by more of them 
 as fuel detonates in light so bright

 The fear is terrible 
 I’m paralysed hope my only gift
 I so wish I’d gone before the fire
 packed my stuff and left

Two meals a day

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Time for dinner

Well, we all knew what that meant

Time for the end of the day

Time to send friends on their way

Time to come in from outside

Time to come out from your room

Time to stop homework

Time to put down that book

Time to race to the bathroom

Time to tuck in that shirt

And brush your hair

Time to scrub those hands

Polish that face

Ready for inspection

 

Time to transform from

Rough and ready rascal

To be seen and not heard

 

Time to never be late

Time to take your designated

Place at the table quietly

With bowed head

Time to await your plate

Time to scan the newspaper

Standing tall in thick fingered hairy hands

At the other end of the table

Only the front and back pages ever viewed

While mum dutifully served

And offspring mutely ate

An unchallenged meal

Of meat and three veg

Tinned fruit

and milk for the weeds

 

She spoken to but never heard

They spoke at and ever erred

Sitting in silence always unnerved

 

Once fed desperate for dismissal

Before something went wrong

Before the security of bed

Where the anticipation of morning

And a new day unhindered

Would see a smiling chatty woman serve

And happily scold misdemeanours

In a bustling kitchen full of life

Breaking our bread

While the breadwinner toiled away

At that unhappy and mysterious place called work

Fear

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I feel it behind me

stalking and faceless

skulking and malevolent

The hairs on the back of my neck

stand on end

like highly sensitised

oh so brittle antennae

 

I walk more briskly

I am tempted to run

but not tempted to tempt fate

Each step announces

a deepening sense of dread

a heightened anxiety

a rising feeling of panic

 

Evil is about tonight

amongst the chill night air

and the cold dull haloes

of the too distant streetlights

 

There it is again

The faintest of scrapings

rapid and sequential

advancing along the pavement behind me

Demonic footsteps of malicious intent

portents of pain and suffering

They strain my hearing to the point

of questioning whether I hear anything at all

but I know they are there

coming

closing

 

My eyes dart urgently

from side to side

A tic

twitches my cheek

I am shaken to my core

I startle at a moth that brushes my cheek

My head flicks left

My head flicks right

My fully dilated pupils

black as any pit in hell

scream at me for more light

and scour the edges of darkness

for a bolt hole

Sanctuary

any hope to cling too

Peripheral vision

reams in the sidelines

desperately seeking refuge

struggling to see ahead and aside at the same time

 

Sweat begins

to bead my brow

Cold sweat

Shivers

wrack my body

I begin to whimper

I don’t want to hurt

to plead for my life, my soul

for mercy

I don’t want to die alone

I don’t want to die here

and now

 

A movement

in the corner of my eye

I stumble in fright

miss the kerb

roll my ankle

The pain shoots up into my calf

and something tears

I gasp

My flight becomes hobbled

I limp on in fear

dragging my injured foot

scraping the rubber of the sole

on the hard surface

of coarse concrete

 

Then

comes the first touch

An icy point

A razor-sharp prickle

pierces my jacket

In one swift motion

needlelike it penetrates the fabric

just breaking the surface of my skin

 

From my lower back

a cold finger of ice

tracks a paralyzing pathway

up toward my right shoulder

Muscles cramp

then seize

into an excruciating knotted strip

of rock solid pain

Futile teardrops begin to fall

I sob in absolute horror

and misery

“Oh God, help me, somebody help me!”

I wheel

there is nothing there

 

 

The second touch

burns

as a keenly sharp edge

slices a clean shallow line

fully across my left cheek

This one is hot

like dry ice

The blood flows

as thick warm syrup

It makes its way down my pallid face

mixing with the tears and snot of fear

dripping onto my stained clothes

gluey on my hands

I didn’t even sense the blade coming

let alone what wielded it

 

Dread wells up inside me

threatens to overwhelm me

I pursue escape

from terrifying pursuit

The road is empty

straight

as far as the opaque darkness

allows my eyes to see

Where pavement ends

terraformed tracts of bare earth begin

A homeless housing estate

 

At the periphery of illumination

feebly provided by each dreary streetlight

is murk

thick with ominous foreboding

It envelops the world

on this souless, moonless night

Hope fades

 

The third touch

is a heavy thump

in the small of my back

It cripples me

I stagger

It is all I can do not to collapse

I must stop to breathe

to fall on my haunches

straining to fill my airless lungs

 

I double over

when I need to stand

I pause

when I need to run

I falter

when I need courage

I give into weakness

when I need to find strength

I heave

when I need to draw breath

 

The fourth touch

comes as a surprise

Desperately preoccupied with surroundings and survival,

my head and neck are parted,

as I miss the prophecy of imminent death

but fleetingly register

oh timely release

oh sweet oblivion