I know I won’t be missing you Because you live in my heart too It’s not about having your body here In my mind you’re everywhere You also reside in a time and space A place of love of ethereal grace That supersedes corporeal and now That’s my commitment and our vow We've shared our lives together as one With room to grow, make our own fun As I watch you go and that time closes I can’t think of what the future poses Yes it hurts, it’s unbearably sad But it’s also a marker of the joy we had Of the pleasure in each other’s company Of everything that will stay with me No matter what becomes of us as an earthly pair Always in my heart you'll be everywhere So rest my darling have a peaceful night Tomorrow we’ll see what comes of light Though parting is near even in plain sight We’ll be together forever come what might
Flying into Melbourne On a private jet Bouncing off ideas With the business jet set Closing every deal No matter what it takes Ethical or shonky As long as the world quakes Driven by ambition Minister or CEO Really only two choices About which way to go Pressing the accelerator When I should have touched the brake How fast am I going to go How much more can I take Slamming down the spirits Soaking up the wine Things are a little beery But everything will work out fine Climbing the hardest rock face Dodging the greatest fall Pushing to the limit And giving it my all Burning the midnight oil Up until all hours Burning both ends of candles To see how much time devours Shooting a little heroin For all the joy it brings Snorting a little cocaine It’s coke that makes me zing Then I lost my partner I leaned on her I admit Then I lost my friends Who won’t see me in a fit Wondering why I need her Wondering why I need it Wondering who l am Any why I’m called a shit A few dodgy deals later I’m sure that I’ll be rich But a punch up with a waiter Left me in a legal stitch I crashed the car last Wednesday Into six or so I’m told Realised I couldn’t pay Forgot insurance in the cold Sick with hepatitis Broke from drugs and booze Living the high life baby Sure can make you lose Eating throwing up Hearing voices in my head Where are my friends and family I might be better off dead Claiming every benefit Sponging every favour Grabbing every freebie Before my resolve wavers Sitting on this pavement Holding up my sign I didn’t plan to be here It just came in time
I’m still drowning in the water of you
My feet can’t find the bottom
I don’t know what to do
It’s like all we’ve done’s forgotten
I know it was a blind step
A leap into the dark
When straight after we met
I let you leave your mark
Now I wonder what that time was worth
Those years since spent together
Now I give a wide berth
To your dark and stormy weather
I still don’t know you, I never did
What is it that I was missing?
Disappointment of which I’m never rid
A deflating balloon, ever hissing
When I reflect on you as a person
You’re surrounded by a wall
As I watched our relationship worsen
You never heard my drowning call
Was your silence about making a choice?
Or were you incapable and you couldn’t?
Could you not hear my pleading voice?
Everything about you said you wouldn’t
Did I simply miss you’re shallow?
Because I was always looking for the deep
Is it there was nothing to really know?
The wasted years make me want to weep
I was asked to read the letters With my father and my sisters Written by my long dead mother Lost words faint as whispers He will struggle to see and read So sharing seems a good idea I will struggle to read and see There's hurt combined with fear Her pony tail her loving arms My sisters in her face - and me What will I learn of her aspirations All the things she wanted to be Sad blue of the paper blue of the pen Blue in each letter written back then There's blue in thinking about her again When will I recover I don't know when 51 years later grief can rise be real Camouflaged it waits in ambush The loss the pain once more I feel I have no trust in life Maybe one day I'll let this blue sadness go Release it to an infinitely clear blue sky I'll stand tall throw back my arms and head And no longer suffer what if or why
A response to a d’verse challenge from Sarah that coincides with an often unexpected recurring sadness / blueness https://dversepoets.com/2021/05/11/blue-tuesday/